I have been having a hard time the last few days and have even had days of uncontrollable tears. Saturday night I cried hard from 8pm until Sunday morning at 2am. I could not get control of my emotions and even praying would not help. What sorrow my heart was going through and no one could console me. My poor husband just had to sit back and let me be. I could not talk or even be in the room with anyone. I was in horrid shape.
I got word that my father had been admitted to the hospital the night before. The sad thing is Brook was the one that called to let me know she had read it on Facebook. After some phone calls and locating him at the hospital, I was able to hear his weak voice and tell him I loved him. If only I had known earlier his name could have been put into the temple and I could have spent hours on my knees praying for him. Life is so fragile and we need all the help we can get.
Thank heavens Dad is getting stronger and I can talk with him several times each day. He is sounding like his old self and never stops being that cheerful funny man that I love so much.
My fear of loosing him nearly tore me apart and all I could think of was what a selfish person I have been. I have put myself before what really matters in life. For so many years my life has been governed by my employment and then my business. Now that the business is gone, my plans were to spend time with family, getting better acquainted with them and renewing friendships. Now that is even changing.
My desire to please everyone is really taking a toll upon my soul. I hope that the Lord is hearing my pleas and will soon ease the burdens that are weighing me down. Today is better than yesterday and yesterday was better than the day before and that means maybe tomorrow will be perfect.
My sorrows are going to get better and I know that my feelings are just seeming to escalate because of this move that is ahead of me. I am having anxiety feelings of detaching myself from my treasures. We have down sized so much and things that have been so dear to me are now gone, never to be touched by my hands again. Leaving this house is more than I can bear and I keep wondering if the correct decision was made. In my mind it is right, but in my heart it is not.
Please, Heavenly Father, please help me be strong. Let this nightmare come to an end.
1 comment:
I love you, Aunt Kathy! I think we were all sick with worry about Grandpa and I am so glad that your prayers were heard. You are such a huge example to me of the Faith I need to have during hard times. Thank you so much for posting this so that I could have the opportunity to read it.
Post a Comment