Thursday, November 5, 2015

Cancer Has Stuck

In April 2014 Danielle was diagnosed with pre-cancer cells in her breast and had to have a biopsy.  She had the biopsy just after her Dad had his hip surgery and the next day she flew to Arizona to help me with his post op care.  She had to go back every six months to be checked by her oncologist at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Everything was looking okay and staying the same until October of this year.  She was scheduled for an MRI.  They found a mass and did an other biopsy and the results came back positive.  She had a lumpectomy done and two weeks later they did another MRI and found another cluster and did another biopsy last week.  Yesterday she called with the results that the new cluster was also cancerous.  She is going in on Tuesday, Nov 10th, for another lumpectomy.

My heart is so shattered and the tears just don't stop.  I feel so helpless and have no way to help my child.  When she was little, I could kiss the boo boo and put a band aid on her and she was happy as a lark.  This time the band aid won't fix the hurt and I can't make her feel better like I used to do.  This is a fight that she has to do for herself.  I have to stand back and watch from the sidelines and pray that she is strong enough to fight for her life.

I keep her name in several temples and know that this has helped her in the last few weeks.  Heavenly Father has a plan and we have to accept His will.  Every day is such a struggle and I would take away the cancer if I could.  I love her so much and just can't stand to see her go through this.

Every day my prayers are for her to be strong and have the will to fight this.  I also pray that Dick and I can stay strong and be there for her.  This is a fight for our entire family.  Every night Hayden wants to say the prayer and he asks that she will get better and can come see us.  I love the prayers of little children.  They are so heartfelt and simple, but so powerful.

I just have to stay strong so I can help Danielle through this time.  Heavenly Father, give me strength to help my child.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

1329 Capes Sold Today

In 2008 I started making reversible capes for children.  This endeavor has brought me much joy and my capes are all over the USA.   Today I sold # 1329.  Each cape is made by myself including the emblems.  Sometimes my days are spent just making capes (like today) but as each cape goes out in the mail, I know there is one happy little boy or girl flying all over the place.

I started out making just Superman/Batman and Supergirl/Batgirl (made in pink/purple).   Soon it was apparent that Spiderman/Batman needed to be added to the mix.  My list of capes has once again expanded and now includes all four of the Ninja Turtles, black/hot pink Supergirl/Batgirl, black/hot pink Spidergirl/Batgirl, and today I added a navy/red cape that is Supergirl/Wonder Woman.

In June 2015 Brook opened me a store on Etsy where I have an online source of selling the capes.  This has proved to be very fruitful and I love to see where my capes are going to next.  This week capes went from east coast to west coast. 

Last week a mother wrote me and asked if I could make her little 4 year old a special cape with his name embroidered on it. She told me that he was going in for surgery on Oct 13th and this was going to be a surprise for him on that day. I gladly accepted the challenge and can hardly wait to hear how our little superman did with surgery. Please keep Aidan in your thoughts and prayers on Tuesday, Oct 13th. Get well soon my little Superman buddy.

Here are the capes:



















Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Making Halloween Things...

Yesterday I decided it was time to make Grayson a halloween bib.  I had the colors I needed in the stash of fabric and chose the perfect colors.  My new love is to embroidery with  my embroidery machine.  I found the perfect haunted house design and set to work doing my thing.  Pretty soon this is what was created:




























Grayson is 3 1/2 months now and is the cutest little boy.  So glad he is mine.

Tiffeni called me a few weeks ago and wanted a cape for Grayson.  I had been so busy and just didn't get it done.  Well today was the day.  I had to cut the pattern down to fit him and it is only 16 inches long.  He will be the cutest superhero on the block.  Here are the pictures of the cape.



























I might make these smaller capes for my Etsy store and see what happens with them.  Just too cute.

Friday, September 18, 2015

WOW...Another Set Back

This week I decided that it was getting time to put a quilt on the bed so I went to the closet to get a very special quilt that I have used for the last 39 years.  I have taken such great care of this quilt and I love it to pieces.  My Mom made Dick and I a quilt when we got married.  It was done in all white with dark pink wild roses appliqued on it.  For the binding, she did a double row of ruffles.  One was pink and the other was white.  Absolutely gorgeous.

When I looked in the quilt closet, the quilt was not there.  Frantically I looked in the other closets in the house and no quilt.  Nada, Nothing, Nowhere to be found.  Hurt and anger filled my heart and it shattered once again.  It was one of the items that was taken when our storage unit got broken into.  I wanted to scream, cuss and pound on the walls.  But once again I picked myself up, shook myself off and told myself that big girls don't act like that.  Broken heart all over again.  Nasty thieves.  That makes two special quilts that was taken by those good for nothing creeps.  Violation again.

I have been so busy making capes to send.  Our Etsy store is selling okay and only wish the orders would pick up.  It is so delightful when an order comes in and I can send capes to these cute little super hero girls and boys.

My calling as compassionate leader in the ward keeps me busy.  I am in the middle of helping a family get ready to say their final goodbyes to their mother.  Her funeral will be tomorrow.  I love my calling and so thankful for it.  It has been so long since I have had a church calling.  Being in this position helps you get to know all the members in a different manner.

I love my family very much and so thankful that God gave me the family I have.  When they hurt, I hurt.  When they rejoice, I rejoice.  I love each one to the moon and back a zillion, billion times.

Monday, September 14, 2015

Great Things Happened In Our Family

This past week has brought extra joy in our family....

On Wednesday, September 9, 2015 our third great grandson was born.  He is the son of Dustin and Jill Jones.  They named him Camden Dale Jones and he joins his older brother Jaxson.   They will be best buds.





On Friday, September 11th Dick and I celebrated our 39th wedding anniversary.  We have always gone to Texas Roadhouse for our anniversary dinner since 9-11-2001.  We have only missed one year of going there and that was last year.

On Sunday, September 13th our fourth great grandson was born.  He is the son of Cory and Emily Bishop.  They named him Logan.  Logan is their first child and they will be outstanding parents.  They have waited a very long time for him to come from heaven.



What a great week for us.

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Many Things Going On...

Many things have been going on since my last post......

We had the funeral for little TJ Ramirez on Saturday, August 29, 2015 and it was attended very well by family, friends and ward members.   The entire week was spent giving compassionate service to the family and getting the luncheon ready.  We fed approximately 140 people and the ward sisters were so willing to provide for the luncheon.  During this week, my love for Stephanie grew ten fold.  The day of the funeral she walked into the kitchen where I was working and I have not seen such a glow about anyone like I witnessed in that moment.  I knew that TJ was right there with her, lifting and comforting her.  She radiated with the love of Christ.

On Friday before the funeral, Elder Rose and Elder Christensen came and dropped off some pants, ties and suit coat that needed repaired.  I worked on them during the week and got them completed for pick up.  Transfers are quickly coming so any repairs need to be done asap when they come in.  I know that both Elder Hansen and Elder Rose will be gone with this transfer that is coming.  I will miss them both more than words can express.  Maybe Elder Christensen will be placed in our ward as he is one cool dude also.

I didn't go to water aerobics during the week as my body was still trying to recuperate from my stressful week before.  I literally could not function very well.  My body was tired and could not feel rested.  On Wednesday morning my head was pounding with a migraine.  It was still throbbing by evening and I could not attend our inservice meeting for Relief Society.

Sharon Vargecko, my new dear friend that moved in the ward the same time we did, came over and I helped her put a pocket in a blanket that Pat wanted hung on the wall.  We measured the pocket wrong so now he has another idea for hanging it. 

Sunday meetings were so uplifting for me.  The testimonies that were born were so touching and special.  They expressed just what I needed to hear.  Sunday School and Relief Society lessons were just as touching.  I dearly love this ward and am so thankful that we were brought to this area.  For the first time in many, many years I finally feel needed and wanted.  It is breaking my heart to think about moving from here and going to another area of the valley. 

I have been working on some uniforms for Payton.  She is having such a hard time with the new uniforms at ALA.  She seems to have a sensory disorder with clothing so the uniforms are a struggle for her.  I took a polo shirt and added a skirt to them.  Hopefully that will help her, but I doubt it.

Today Linda Silva from the ward came over as I told her I would hem two dresses for her.  She started talking and two hours later she left.  I told Dick before she came that it would just take 15 minutes to measure the hems.  Between visiting teachers coming and Linda, he stayed in the garage and nearly sweated to pieces.  His shirt was soaking wet when he came in.

Dick has been making some beautiful boxes lately.  The missionaries brought him some trees that had fallen over during recent storms and the boxes from them are just gorgeous.  He is so talented when it comes to making things with wood.  He has his boxes in an antique store in Mesa and we are getting ready for an event in Coolidge the last Saturday in September.  He has made lots of wooden cars and trucks and some waddling ducks.

I am going to start doing some items and put embroidery on them.  Hopefully I will be able to get them done before my event in September.  Dick ordered me a cord for the machine so I can connect it to my computer and pull designed from the internet.  I am excited to do this.  Also I am going to start doing alterations and actually charge money for it.  Since we moved here it seems like all I do are repairs and alterations for the missionaries and ward members.  Now it is time to start charging for some of the work I do for others.  I will be getting my new business cards soon.

Things are settling down a little so maybe I will get to make a cape for my little GRR baby.  He is three months old now and getting so stinkin cute.  He sure loves his family and they love him.  I am so blessed to have the family that I have.  Heavenly Father smiled down on me and gave me the best spirits in heaven.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Water Aerobics

Since the third week of June, Dick and I have been going to the YMCA three times a week.  He does the equipment to do his exercising and I have been doing water aerobics.  This has been the best exercise for me as I hate to sweat and feel sticky.  Well that does not happen in the water.  Let me tell you, you do sweat during the workout but the sticky just gets washed away.  The main thing I like about the water exercising is how much resistance there is on the body.

The instructor is so fun and make each session to where you do not want it to end.  I look so forward to Monday, Wednesday and Friday work outs.  Yes, this is the exercise for me.

Monday, August 24, 2015

Compassionate Service and Things

This has been a different week for me.  I did give my talk on Sunday and felt accomplished with it.  Normally I am so nervous and scared when I have to do anything like that.  This time I felt completely at ease and very confident in presenting my talk.  It really helps when you are speaking on a topic that you are very familiar with and one that has been an example by your ancestors.

After sacrament was over, a sister came up to me and said that her grandfather was also Benjamin Franklin Johnson.  She comes from his first wife and somewhere along the way she has Martineau family.  Right from the first time I met her, I had such a strong sisterhood toward her.  Now I know why.

On Wednesday the 19th, we got our house guest that will be with us for the next 7 days.  Miss Maggie MacCourtney is visiting while her parents are in Mexico.  I have come to love her and she has filled a spot in my heart since my dear Patches.  She is so good and waits patiently for us as we get to know her schedule.  Maggie loves her nightly walk through the park.




I have been called to be the compassionate service leader in our ward.  This is a calling that I had in Elko and just loved it.  When they asked me to take the calling my heart was so overjoyed.  This is the best calling in the church and one that helps you get to know all the members in the ward.  I have had this calling for about  a month now.  

On Friday, Aug 21st we had a very tragic thing happen that has broken our hearts.  Little TJ Ramirez passed away.  On Wednesday he had just celebrated his 1st birthday.  As members of the church, we know that he only had to be here just a very short time before returning to our Father in Heaven.  He did not have to go through the trials the rest of us do.  We know and understand the plan of salvation and have that knowledge that he will be with his family once again and that Stephanie and Amir will get to raise him in the millanium.

Stephanie and Amir are very new members of the church and are amazing.  Today as I walked into the chapel there they sat as a family and stayed through the entire three hours.  I think everyone was amazed to see them so quickly after loosing their precious baby boy.  Stephanie was baptized along with her 8 year old daughter, Nicole, on April 11th.  The missionaries baptized her in the morning and then came and helped us move in to our house in the early afternoon.  I have felt a kinship to her for us both being new into the ward on the same day.  Amir was baptized about 6 weeks ago and they were married just a few days later.  I do love this family and my heart is so full of sorrow for them.  We will be having the funeral later in the week for sweet little TJ.

I have been blessed in my calling as I have made arrangements for meals to be taken in to this family.  Our sisters are so loving and willing to serve.  How very thankful I am that we moved into the Copper Basin Ward.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Personal Journals

Tomorrow, August 16th I have to give a talk in sacrament meeting at church.  They told me to go into Come Follow Me, go to the theme for August and choose one of the topics that were to be taught to the youth for that month.  The topic I chose was "How Will Keeping A Personal Journal Bless Me and My Family?" from the Sunday School section.

I am hoping that all will go well and what I have prepared will be of knowledge to those in the congregation.  Following is the talk I have prepared to give.

 
HOW WILL KEEPING A PERSONAL JOURNAL BLESS ME AND MY FAMILY?

The Lord and His prophets have emphasized the importance of keeping records. Writing in a personal journal gives us an opportunity to reflect on our lives and recognize the many blessings God has given us. Our journals can also be a source of inspiration and strength to future generations of our families. 

In the scriptures we read time and time again about keeping records.  In 1st Nephi, Nephi begins writing the records of his people.  In verses 1 & 3 Nephi writes “…I make a record of my proceedings in my days.  And I know that the record which I make is true; and I make it with mine own hand; and I make it according to my knowledge.”   In Moses 6 we learn that Adam’s seed kept a book of remembrance in the language of Adam.   Then in Jacob 1:2-3 “And he gave me, Jacob, a commandment that I should write upon these plates a few of the things which I considered to be most precious…that I should preserve these plates and hand them down unto my seed, from generation to generation.” 
Pres. Kimball tells us “Your own journal, like most others, will tell of problems as old as the world and how you dealt with them.  Your journal is your autobiography, so it should be kept carefully. You are unique and you should truthfully record your real self and not what other people may see in you.
Your story should be written now while it is fresh and while the true details are available.
Write … your goings and your comings, your deeper thoughts, your achievements and your failures, your associations and your triumphs, your impressions and your testimonies”.
Some of what you write may be humdrum dates and places, but there will also be rich passages that will be quoted by your posterity.” 
Many people wonder what their great-grandparents were like, and our children will wonder the same about us.  The peace and pleasure that descendants can find in discovering what their ancestors loved and hated, what their trials and triumphs were, and how they faced challenges can only be found if a journal is kept.
In our home, we have the histories of our extended ancestors and each time I read their writings there is something new that I learn and new qualities I can incorporate into my life.

SHOW DIFFERENT BOOKS AND EXPLAIN THINGS ABOUT THEM:

1.     Sand and Soil:  This book is about Richard’s grandfather, Daniel Fredrick Madsen who was born in Ephraim, Utah.  Daniel was born in the first home built outside of the fort in Ephraim.  His parents were converts to the church and came to America from Denmark.  They were sent to Ephraim to help settle the area with other Scandinavian saints. 

2.     Dick’s Book of Remembrance:  This is Richard’s Book of Remembrance that was compiled by his Mother.  She spent many hours typing from journals that were kept by her family.  It includes pedigree charts, several generations of life histories and is filled with pictures.  The trunk that she tells about, the one her father took with him to Denmark on his missions, is still in our family today. 

3.     My Life’s Review:  This is the journal of my 4th great grandfather, Benjamin Franklin Johnson.  I read it often and find great comfort in reading his words.  At the age of 18, my grandfather became closely associated with the Prophet Joseph Smith and from 1842 to 1844 acted as his business agent and private secretary.  My grandfather tells of the night that Joseph was running from a mob.  Grandpa stayed awake all night standing guard over Joseph while he slept.  When the Prophet woke and was ready to go, he touched Grandpa on the top of the head and said “ for this nights work, you will never have a single grey hair on your head.”  My Grandfather never had any grey hair and many of his descendants don’t either.  

4.     Dad’s journal:  A few years ago I gave my Dad a journal jar.  In the jar were slips of paper and each had a topic written on it.  Each day he was suppose to take a piece of paper out of the jar then write in this journal about that topic.  He writes with deep feelings about things I didn’t know about him.  He didn’t get very far in his writings before he became sick and passed away.  This journal is something that I will cherish forever. 

My mother is the most faithful journal keeper that I know.  In 1982 her house burned down and she was caught in the fire.  She received burns on 75% of her body and was not expected to survive.  She was a fighter and survived.  When she was able to use her hands again, Mom started writing in a journal of her experiences while in the hospital and after coming home.  Every day she made an entry in her journal.  Thirty-three years later and with many journals written she still is writing.  Her posterity will know her and what was most important to her.  They will know of her testimony and her love for the Lord and how she served Him with all her might, mind and soul.  Many will be blessed by the words she has written.

Keeping a journal can be done in a variety of ways.  It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to write with pen and paper.  It can be done by video, audio, scrapbooking or blogging.   I journal by blogging and at the end of the year it can be printed and bound.   Some of my entries are heart wrenching, some are very spiritual while others are filled with tons of humor. 

One of my spiritual experiences from my journal that I wrote in March of this year has great meaning to me.  This experience is very fresh in my mind and heart.  I had emotional feelings that were hard to control and as I relate this experience to others, I can still feel those emotions.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Laurena Priest

Every Tuesday night I attend the Monticello, Utah Temple with my brother, Lane, and with my mother.  Tonight Lane asked me if I was taking one of the names I had found through for endowments and I told him no that I did not have them ready for endowments yet.  He handed me a card from his names and asked if I would take one through for him.  I knew that he had been working on his wife’s line and thought that is where the name was from.  The name he gave me was Laurena Priest and she was born in 1877 in Colorado.

About five minutes into the session my breathing changed, my heart started beating  different and I felt so overwhelmed with everything around me.  I felt so faint and out of body.  I kept thinking what is wrong with me this is not normal.  Then the floodgates opened and I was crying and could not stop.  I was beginning to feel embarrassed and didn’t know what to do.  I only had two tissues in my pocket and I had already soaked one. 

I started praying that I could get my emotions in control so I could concentrate on what was being taught.  Suddenly it hit me like being struck with a brick….it is not you that is crying it is Laurena.  She has waited for so long for her work to be done and she is filled with joy that you are doing this endowment for her.  Almost immediately the tears stopped, my breathing became normal, my heart was beating correctly and I could concentrate once again.  The session was beautiful and I was teachable and humbled by this experience.  Just before the session ended the tears started again, but this time I knew they were tears of joy from Laurena Priest.

When we got into the car, I told Lane I had to tell him something that happened in the temple.  I told him about the crying, the change in my breathing, how my heart was beating differently and how happy my sister was that I was taking through the temple.  I said to him “the only thing that would have made this even more meaningful is if it had been one of our family names”.  Lane said, “she was one of our Fuller family members that you took through tonight.”  Tonight I was in full spirit with my family beyond the veil.  Not to often are we able to experience this type of closeness.

I see spiritual growth in myself as I write of blessings the Lord has poured upon my family and me.    I want my family to know the real me and know that there have been trials in my life, but I was able to pick myself up, shake myself off, stand tall and continue on down this path of life.  Along with the trials, there have also been many great adventures and experiences.

Without the journals of our ancestors we will not know them.  How thankful I am for all the journals that were kept in my family.  For the knowledge I have of their lives, their hardships and their joys.  I have received many blessings because of the faithful men and women they have been in following our leaders advice of keeping journals.

 Jacob 4:3 - 4 “Now in this thing we do rejoice; and we labor diligently to engraven these words upon plates, hoping that our beloved brethren and our children will receive them with thankful hearts and look upon them that they may learn with joy and not with sorrow… concerning their first parents. For this intent have we written these things, that they may know that we knew of Christ, and we had a hope of his glory.”

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen

Monday, August 10, 2015

Grayson Rykar Rasmussen

Our little Grayson Rykar Rasmussen was born on June 7, 2015 in Reno, Nevada and is the son of Morgan Tiffeni Rasmussen.  Grayson is my first great grandson but is really my second great grandchild.  I am so proud of Tiffeni in starting another generation in our family.

 They brought Grayson to Arizona to meet us the Father's Day weekend.  My greatest joy was sitting and rocking this precious bundle so fresh from heaven.  I just love this little man.



Derek's Air Force Retirement

On Friday, June 12, 2015 Derek retired from the Air Force after spending 25 1/2 years as a member of the military.  His career has taken him all over the world and he knows some pretty high up people.  This ceremony was so beautiful as they honored my son.  No mother could have been more proud of her son than I was and am.  

There were tons of tears shed by all that attended this event.  Derek was loved by everyone that had the privilege of working along side of him.  He is a great leader to those he had command over.

Now this little family of four will start a new life outside of the military.  It will be a great adjustment for all of them.

 
 












Life Is Precious

I flew to Shreveport, LA on June 8th for Derek's retirement party from the Air Force.  I was flying from Tucson to Dallas and then on to Shreveport.  For over a week I was worried about this flight and could not get it out of my mind.  I arrived at the airport in Tucson 2 1/2 hours early and when I checked in they placed me on a different flight that was leaving in 30 minutes.  I hurried and got to the gate as they were almost finished loading the plane.  I settled into my seat and waited with excitement of seeing my family in just a few hours.

Finally the waited moment of take off arrived and I was so excited.  The engines roared and off we went down the run way and into the blue skies of Arizona.  Approximately 5 minutes into the flight, the engine noise went totally silent.  I looked out the window and thought to myself that we were not going to gain the altitude we needed to go over the mountain.  All of the passengers were looking at each other with panic on their faces.  Suddenly the plane banked to the right and once again it banked to the right.  I was beginning to get a little nervous.  I looked out the window and the ground seemed to be getting closer and closer.  The pilot came on the intercom and told us that we had to return to the airport as an indicator light had come on and it was proto call to return.  We arrived back and landed safely.  What a sight it was to see every emergency vehicle lining the runway. We later found out that there had been a fire in side of the tail compartment.

While we were still in the air and the ground was coming closer and closer, my thoughts were rather calm.  I remember thinking to myself that I had lived a good life and if my time to go was now, I was okay with that.  I knew each of my family members had the knowledge that I loved them dearly and had done everything in my power to give them the love and support they needed in life.  They knew that I had a strong testimony of the gospel and valued my membership in this church.  I was sad that if we did crash and I didn't make it that I would not see my new great grandson that had been born the day before nor would I see my birthday which was the next day.  I did know that my Dad would be there with open arms to welcome me to heaven.

We made it safely, I got on my original flight and made it to Dallas.  I was to late for my connecting flight, which had been canceled anyway.  Derek and his family drove from Bossier City and picked me up.  This trip was extremely hard on me, but worth it.  Nothing is better than seeing family.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

My Little Garden

We moved to Arizona the first week of April then moved all of our earthly belongings on the 10th.  One of the very first things I did after unpacking our boxes was plant my sweet little garden.  It brings me much joy and I love working in the soil.  

My garden is not very big, but the people that put in the planter box went over and above to put in the most awesome soil.  It is so easy to work with.  My plants just love where they are planted and are growing so fast.  Tonight I had to give my tomato plants their first haircut (trimming off the drone leaves) so they look a little bear right now.  In a week they will be all filled in again.

In my garden I have five tomato plants, five potato hills, a zucchini, a yellow squash, chives, lavender, basil, green beans and some flowers.  It has been so rewarding watching these plants grow from seeds or small plants to what they are today.  These pictures were taken two weeks ago and the tomatoes are way over the very top ring of the cages.  



  
I just love living here.

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Little Answers

Today was the most spiritual day for me.  Sacrament meeting was extremely uplifting and filled with beautiful music and inspirational talks.  My soul was fed and was filled with joy.  Our choir sang the most wonderful rendition of "Master, the Tempest Is Raging".  It filled the chapel with joyful notes of gladness.  The voices echoed off the walls and vibrated within my soul.  I loved it.  The Sunday School and Relief Society lessons were just as uplifting.  I love my ward here in Copper Basin and can feel the spirit so strong at each meeting.

This afternoon my heart was troubled so I began to read my scriptures and pray.  I went in earnest supplication to my Father and told him that I knew He was there with me, but I needed to have reassurance that all was well.  I no more than said Amen, when Dick yelled to tell me that we had company.  I came into the living room and there were our sweet missionaries, Elders Martin and Hansen.  They visited for a few minutes and then Elder Martin asked if he could leave with a word of prayer.  He gave the prayer and it was the exact words that I needed to hear at that very moment.  During his prayer I was reaffirmed by the Spirit that these words were my answer.   Our prayers are answered quickly if we just listen with our hearts.  My heart has been eased of it troubles.

Saturday, May 9, 2015

My Gethsemane

During life we are dealt many trials and heartache.  Some are small and easy to overcome while others are severe and takes our souls to the very depths of despair.  How we handle those trials can be referred as our gethsemanes. 


My gethsemane took me down a road of despair for over 18 months and each day grew harder and harder to piece life together.  It started in August of 2013 when my father went into surgery to have a valve replace in his heart.  He suffered three different strokes and finally passed away in the evening of October 2, 2013.  My life was shattered into a million pieces and I thought to myself that life was so unfair and all I wanted was to have my Dad hold me tight and let me know that all would be okay.  That did not happen and things were not okay.

Dick and I moved from Arizona after the funeral and put all our belongings into storage and lived with Mom as she could not be alone at that time.  All we had was a bedroom that contained one chair, our bedroom furniture and our television.  Life was very hard as I missed my things and I needed to have something that was mine.  Each day we were reminded that the house was not ours and we did not belong.  We were just visitors without a home.  

Tears flowed frequently over the slightest things.  One day the tears lasted for 14 1/2 hours and I felt like my soul was so spent and lost.  I could not find comfort in prayer or pleading supplications to my Heavenly Father.  My soul felt bitterness and resentment to those that tried to love me.  I was just pushing them farther away.

I became very tired and was so worn out from trying to please and take care of everyone around me.  I neglected my soul and did not delight in much.  Resentment toward my situation became my crutch.  I was bitter that my things were sitting in storage getting ruined.  I was bitter because my branch family didn’t want anything to do with me.  I was bitter that there was hate and contention between Dick and Mom.  I was bitter that my siblings were causing so much trouble and accusing Dick and I of things that were untrue.  I was bitter about their lies and their uncaring ways.  I was just downright bitter.

Over the course of the next 18 months I tried to find the good in this situation but it was hard.  Dick and I drifted farther and farther apart and finally I could not take it any longer.  We just could not communicate with one another without being negative toward each other.  He could not find kindness in his heart toward my mother and she had the same feeling toward him.  This just put a huge wedge in my heart.  In October of 2014 I told him I was leaving and he could either stay or go with me.  He talked me into staying as we had promised Derek that if he passed his advancement test, we would take care of Kelly and the kids should he be deployed.  His test results would not be in until the end of November.  I calmed down and agreed to wait until Derek found out.  Needless to say he did not get his advancement as he had hoped for.

In December  we decided to go to Arizona to spend Christmas with Brook and her family.  We went to storage the second week of December and got our luggage and as in the past everything was just fine.  We spent three weeks with Brook then returned back to Utah.  We took the luggage back to storage the third week of January and things were not right with our storage unit.  I insisted that someone had been in there.  Dick insisted that no one could have gotten in as we had locks that were tamper proof.  The unit was a mess with boxes everywhere.  He insisted that the boxes just broke down from being in storage for all those months.  We got it cleaned up and went on with our lives….me insisting someone broke in and him insisting differently.

It was decided that we would move back to Arizona and arrangements were made to rent a beautiful home.  We left the last week of March to sign the lease and get the utilities hooked up.  Before leaving, I went to storage to get my vacuum so I could clean the home before moving our things in.  The vacuum was not where I had thought it was.  Figuring that Dick had put it behind a cabinet, I just went on my way and thought nothing of it.

We came back to Utah to finish packing and to get ready for the final move.  On April 10th we loaded our UHaul truck with all our things from the storage unit.  When the truck was loaded I asked if anyone had seen the vacuum.  No one could remember seeing it.  Now I was beginning to wonder some more about things.

We got to Arizona and unloaded the truck.  I began to notice that there were furniture pieces missing along with some wall hangings.  When it came time to unpack the kitchen boxes most of them were not there.  Monday brought much heartache as the boxes were unpacked and appliances, cookware, dishes and utensils were gone.  There was very little left.  It was at this point that Dick agreed with me that someone had broken into our unit and taken a good portion of our items.  I lost items that can’t be replaced.  How do you put a value on items that are filled with sentimental emotions?  How do you put a value on something that was made by the hands of your loved ones or yourself?   

This gethsemane that I have lived with for the last 19 months has just about broken my soul to depths that are hard to comprehend.  I have ruined lives by doing what I thought was best.  I have ruined relationships between me and my family.  I have lost faith in mankind.  I have been violated and ache for my stolen items.  

I keep thinking….”if only”.  Those “if only’s” can’t and won’t happen.  I have to forget and forgive.  My heart has to be cleansed from the hurtful feelings that have taken residence within.  I have to turn to my Father in Heaven and beg for forgiveness for thinking He forgot about me.   I have to pick myself up, shake myself off, hold my head high and walk in the light.  My gethsemane is no more.  Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Friday, May 1, 2015

Mother's Day Boutique & Yard Sale

We have been very busy since getting settled into our new home in San Tan Valley, AZ.  Seems like everyday something new is in the works.  Dick has been so busy making benches and we have three new ones ready for our Mother's Day Boutique & Yard Sale tomorrow.  Here are two of them.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Laurena Priest

Every Tuesday night I attend the Monticello LDS Temple with my brother, Lane, and with my mother.  Tonight Lane asked me if I was taking one of the names I had found through for endowments and I told him no, I did not have them ready for endowments yet.  He handed me a card from his names and asked if I would take one through for him.  The name he gave me was Laurena Priest and she was born in 1877 in Colorado.

I got ready and went in to proceed through with the endowment session.  About five minutes into the session my breathing changed and I felt so overwhelmed with everything around me.  I kept thinking what is wrong with me this is not normal.  Then the flood gates opened and I was crying and could not stop.  I was beginning to feel embarrassed and didn’t know what to do.  I only had two Kleenex tissues in my pocket and I had already soaked one.  I kept thinking “what is wrong with me, my week had only started and it was not bad so far.

I started praying that I could get my emotions in control so I could concentrate on what was being taught.  Suddenly it hit me like being struck with a brick….it is not you that is crying it is Laurena.  She has waited for so long for her work to be done and she is  filled with joy that you are doing this endowment for her.  Immediately the tears stopped, my breathing became normal and I could concentrate once again.  The session was beautiful and I was teachable and humbled by this experience.  Just before the session ended the tears started again, but this time I knew they were tears of joy from Laurena Priest.

When we got into the car to come home I told Lane I had to tell him something that happened in the temple tonight.   He said what happened and I told him about the crying, the change in my breathing and how happy my sister was that I was taking through the temple.  I said to him “the only thing that would have made this even more meaningful is if it had been one of our family names.  Lane got his cute smile on his face and said “it was one of our Fuller family members that you took through tonight.”  Tonight I was in full spirit with my family beyond the veil.  Not to often are we able to experience this type of closeness.

I know that temple work is so important and those that are beyond the veil are anxiously waiting for us to do their work.  I have personally been led to names that need done so they can progress in heaven.  My experiences in the temple are faith building and I cannot deny the power of this gospel as my life is molded into a Christlike existence.